Things that make me say, "Oh shit"

There comes a time in every parent’s life when our children will make us look like complete asses. Most of the time its not even their fault. They’re not doing it with a tantrum. They’re not throwing a fit in the market. They’re not kicking and screaming as you carry them out the door under one arm. (All of which I speak of from experience) They're simply opening their mouth and repeating what you have said in their presence. Big. Time. Mortification.

Case in point. Monday, Landon and I went to visit a new school. The Granite Bay Montessori school is a private school for grades Pre-K through the 8th grade and has come with recommendations from several people we know. After a little research on the airy fairy hippy curriculum that is the “Montessori Method” of teaching, we were intrigued. At least intrigued enough to go and visit to see what more we could find out. I found out a lot more then I had expected!

A little girl named Athena (Doesn't that seem like a typical name from an Urban-Hippy couple?) took to me right away. She told me I looked like a Fairy Princess in my white eyelet skirt. I told her she was a very smart girl. The conversation with said 4 year old went wild from here. She told me her favorite colors, that she likes her school and friends and that she was going to be homeschooled if her Mommy doesn't find a new job soon. She also told me that if Mommy couldn’t find a job, she was not going to go to the beach in Hawaii because that costs lots of money. I told her she was a very smart girl again. I sent her on her merry way wondering if her parents knew she was telling these things to perfect strangers. And that left me wondering if Landon does the same thing...

The following morning, Dustin took Landon into his current preschool. Miss Echo, one of the morning teachers greeted him enthusiastically. According to my Husband, the scene went something like this:

Echo: “Good morning Landon! Did you have a nice weekend?’
Landon: “I’m going to a NEW SCHOOL!”
Echo: (looking at Dustin confused and shocked) “Oh. Are you guys looking to send Landon somewhere else?”
Dustin: “uh, well, uh…we, uh…they were, uh, just looking yesterday. Uh, we, uh…”

Obviously we hadn’t had this discussion with Landon’s school yet. Thank God Dustin is so quick to think on his feet. Uh, well, uh...the words you were looking for Dust are, “Oh shit.”

And just for fun...here are a few others...

• Every morning Jack and Guinness take half a pharmacy of drugs. Pain relievers, anti-inflammatories, joint/cartilage enhancers, heart worm prevention. 1800-Petmeds loves us. They’re usually pretty good about taking their pills too. But that’s probably because we wrap their pills in a slice of cheese. Every morning while we get their pills ready, they sit salivating and staring. I’m pretty sure Jack’s has once reached the floor from his mouth in one long ooey gooey waterfall of saliva. Disgusting. What’s even more disgusting is forgetting to wipe it up before taking a step forward into it. In bare feet. Oh - shit.
  
  
  





• Crayola has it out for parents apparently. They make this color bubble maker thing, that reminds me of a paint sprayer. You attach a bottle of “colored bubbles” to this gun looking thing (sounds simple enough) and then point and shoot. Out come hundreds of colored bubbles. Fun! Unless your us. Somehow we screwed up the easy as 1,2,3 instructions and proceeded to make a mess all over our patio. Within seconds Landon was covered, head to toe in orange paint. The patio table looked like a pumpkin had thrown up. Landon was somehow getting orange paint in every last square inch of his body. I tried hosing down the patio, only to realize the patio sucks at draining properly, so now we have an orange lake on the patio. Dustin’s first thought? We need to get the camera! Not quite what I had in mind.

• Running into a huge rattlesnake on the trails. Oh wait, it's not a rattle snake, just a huge stick in the middle of the path.















Accidentally hitting “publish post” when I was only half way through writing and my random unpolished thoughts were out there for all to see and read. And then some how screwing up the formating of the blog and not being able to figure out why this one paragraph doesn't have the bullet before it.







• Dustin getting bit by Jack because he thought it would be fun to play 2 on 1 tug of war with two dogs who's combined weight out weighs his own and having his finger in the wrong spot.
  























• And to top it all off…Landon hearing me say “oh shit” in any of the above scenarios and quickly following it up with, “We don’t say ‘Oh shit’ Mommy, we say ‘oh my gosh’.”

Hope everyone has a fantastic Mother's Day tomorrow!